I was never one that liked to set goals. If I didn't set one, I couldn't be devastated when I didn't reach it. Various times in my life I was asked, or told, that I needed to create goals; long term, short term, big and small. I would typically pass on the opportunity and move on.
When I started with my weight loss coach, of course one of the first things she asked me to do was to create some goals. I replied with "my first goal is to never have goals" to which she wasn't completely satisfied with. I had thought about it for a little, and had asked if I could have some time to come up with goals that I could live with. This was a time that I was needing to change, and this would have to be one thing that I had to improve on; setting goals.
So I had come up with some minor goals on a weekly basis; get more steps in, try a new recipe, take a walk 3 times a week, things like that. Small, attainable goals. And as small as they were, it felt great to achieve each and every one of them. I did decide to set one big one; to get under 200 lbs which meant losing 65 lbs. in 1 year.
When April came, one year later, I was 4 lbs away from my goal and here I am at the end of May and still 4 lbs from my goal. Everything I have been working for the past year + has to do with the number on the scale. How many pounds I can lose today, this week, this month or total. The last few months, my weight loss just came to a screeching halt. There were some days where I gained a pound or two, but then lost it.
The odd thing is, I have continued to drop sizes, and have dropped one size since my goal date. It just really blows my mind that I have been so fixated on what the scale says, that I have forgotten about every inch that I have lost. That damn scale allows me to determine success or failure on a daily basis. But I have recently realized, that a number on the scale doesn't show how much smaller I look. A number on the scale doesn't determine how much better I feel. A number on the scale doesn't show how proud of myself I am.
So I must now set a new major goal. Or two.
1.) To drop another size by the end of the summer
2.) To get all of the loose skin on my arms to tighten the hell up. :)
If I quit now, I will soon be back where I started. And when I started I was desperately wishing to be where I am now.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Sunday, May 17, 2015
The Hubster
Jason (who I affectionately call "the hubster") and I have been married for 16 years. We met 19 years ago while I was a waitress and he was a cook at Perkins. There was just something about him. It could have been his big blue eyes, his wonderful smile, or the fact that he laughed at all of my jokes. Whatever it was, I knew he was the one for me, and I was right.
The day I decided I needed to change, I informed him that I was going on a weight loss journey and that I needed to change my habits. He smiled and said "good". For the past year, he has graciously tried new recipes (some good, some not so good) and has even weighed and measured my food when it was his turn to cook. When I wanted to work out on the Wii at home without an audience, all I would have to do is give him the "look" and he would all of a sudden have something that he needed to do elsewhere and he would leave me be.
When I came home the day I found out about Title Boxing Club, I apprehensively informed him that I was going to try boxing. I wasn't really sure what he would say, maybe something along the lines of "Boxing? Are you nuts woman?" Instead he said "OK" with a smile. After my first class, I got home and he was anxiously waiting wanting to know how it went and what I thought. Although he doesn't really say much, I could tell that he was pleased when I told him that I loved the class and that I had joined.
I started going to classes two days a week. I then increased it to 3 days a week and now to 4 days a week. In the 8 months I have been going to classes, he has never once complained of me being gone, nor has he gotten upset because the housework was slacking or he was eating dinner alone. After I get home from every class he has asked me how it was.
He said to me one day "I would have never guessed in a million years you would be boxing. I'm very proud of you and I am glad to have my happy wife back."
There is no way I could have had the success I have had this past year (and the past 19) without him. Having his support and love during everything has made me a stronger, much better person.
Every day I wake up and am amazed at how wonderful he is, and how lucky I am that he chose me. He has seen me fail and he has seen my cry. He has watched me succeed and has watched me grow. We have definitely had our ups and downs, but he has been by my side every day and has supported me in everything I have done, without complaint. I can't imagine where I would be without him in my life.
I used to joke when I would tell people that "he knows my soul and he loves me anyway". Now I know that that statement couldn't be any more true.
The day I decided I needed to change, I informed him that I was going on a weight loss journey and that I needed to change my habits. He smiled and said "good". For the past year, he has graciously tried new recipes (some good, some not so good) and has even weighed and measured my food when it was his turn to cook. When I wanted to work out on the Wii at home without an audience, all I would have to do is give him the "look" and he would all of a sudden have something that he needed to do elsewhere and he would leave me be.
When I came home the day I found out about Title Boxing Club, I apprehensively informed him that I was going to try boxing. I wasn't really sure what he would say, maybe something along the lines of "Boxing? Are you nuts woman?" Instead he said "OK" with a smile. After my first class, I got home and he was anxiously waiting wanting to know how it went and what I thought. Although he doesn't really say much, I could tell that he was pleased when I told him that I loved the class and that I had joined.
I started going to classes two days a week. I then increased it to 3 days a week and now to 4 days a week. In the 8 months I have been going to classes, he has never once complained of me being gone, nor has he gotten upset because the housework was slacking or he was eating dinner alone. After I get home from every class he has asked me how it was.
He said to me one day "I would have never guessed in a million years you would be boxing. I'm very proud of you and I am glad to have my happy wife back."
There is no way I could have had the success I have had this past year (and the past 19) without him. Having his support and love during everything has made me a stronger, much better person.
Every day I wake up and am amazed at how wonderful he is, and how lucky I am that he chose me. He has seen me fail and he has seen my cry. He has watched me succeed and has watched me grow. We have definitely had our ups and downs, but he has been by my side every day and has supported me in everything I have done, without complaint. I can't imagine where I would be without him in my life.
I used to joke when I would tell people that "he knows my soul and he loves me anyway". Now I know that that statement couldn't be any more true.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Comfortable and Familiar
I was really nervous yesterday before my training session. It was like a really high anxiety type nervous. I had butterflies in my stomach and my mind was racing. For the first time in months, I had no idea what to expect from myself. I had been thinking about my last session all week and what had happened. Boxing has really become an addiction of sorts for me. I have become very passionate about it and when I become passionate about something I go all in. I had made the decision a few weeks ago that I wanted to step up my training and to learn everything I could. Fast. And it was backfiring.
I had a decision to make.
Do I continue with the new training in hopes that I will get better? What if I don't. What if mentally I will never get better, would it just be a waste of time? Life is supposed to get challenging, that's what makes us grow. But to what point does it become so challenging that I decide I can't continue. What the hell would I do then?
Or, do I go back to what was comfortable and familiar and stick with the basics. Comfortable and familiar has run my life for so long why would I want to keep going back to that? But then again, I might need to stay at comfortable and familiar for a little bit longer so I can become stronger and more confident.
Sometimes in order to move forward, you have to take a step (or two) backwards.
I went into my training session with the expectation of comfortable and familiar, and I came out feeling stronger and more confident than I ever have. I felt deep down that comfortable and familiar was just a stepping stone that I needed to use in order to move forward and to be the best I can be. It isn't somewhere that I need to be forever. And if you ask me, yesterday I killed it.
~~"The tiny seed knew in order to grow, it needed to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness, and struggle to reach the light"~~ Sandra Kring
I had a decision to make.
Do I continue with the new training in hopes that I will get better? What if I don't. What if mentally I will never get better, would it just be a waste of time? Life is supposed to get challenging, that's what makes us grow. But to what point does it become so challenging that I decide I can't continue. What the hell would I do then?
Or, do I go back to what was comfortable and familiar and stick with the basics. Comfortable and familiar has run my life for so long why would I want to keep going back to that? But then again, I might need to stay at comfortable and familiar for a little bit longer so I can become stronger and more confident.
Sometimes in order to move forward, you have to take a step (or two) backwards.
I went into my training session with the expectation of comfortable and familiar, and I came out feeling stronger and more confident than I ever have. I felt deep down that comfortable and familiar was just a stepping stone that I needed to use in order to move forward and to be the best I can be. It isn't somewhere that I need to be forever. And if you ask me, yesterday I killed it.
~~"The tiny seed knew in order to grow, it needed to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness, and struggle to reach the light"~~ Sandra Kring
Thursday, May 7, 2015
So, exactly what do you mean by "no pasta"?
I love food. I would have to say my favorite foods are
1.) anything pasta 2.) cheese 3.) pie 4.) cake. I could go on but I won't bore you with the minor details.
I was never really one that enjoyed fufu food. Food, that when put on a plate, looked more like a 6th grade art project than something one really wanted to consume. It was almost way too pretty to ruin, and in no means would fill me up. My husband and I ate mostly food out of a box or frozen food, which would be ready 20 minutes after we got home from work. It was very easy. And very processed.
There was no bigger wake up call for me then when my weight loss coach asked me to record my food and beverage intake for the week. One particular day I consumed the following;
Breakfast: Lucky Charms, milk & coffee with cream (Lucky Charms are really the bomb)
Lunch: McDonald's Bic Mac, fries & 32 oz Diet Coke
Snack: 5 oreos and a big glass of milk when I got home from work
Dinner: Spaghetti and garlic bread
Bedtime snack: 3 scoops of ice cream.
After a few choice swear words and a couple of tears, the "mystery" was solved as to how I gained weight. Eating too much crap. Period. I didn't drink any water, had tons of salt, and had little or no fruits and veggies. It was that minute I had decided to completely change the way I ate.
The first thing my weight loss coach mentioned was "no pasta". This hit me like a brick as I do love an occasional noodle. But after looking at my food log, the "occasional noodle" was pasta 4 times that week. Oops. Not my best moment at meal planning to say the least.
Another mention, was to eliminate the 20 oz of fountain Diet Coke that I had every day. I instantly thought "oh, what I could do with an extra $10.50 a week". Probably buy Tylenol to get rid of the massive headache I was going to get from caffeine withdrawal. **Vent**
Next thing, to add water. I was informed that it is necessary for one to get 8 cups of water every day. That's a gallon. A gallon is a lot of any liquid for someone that has a bladder the size of a chihuahua. As the first few days passed, it became easier and easier to drink all 8 cups. I purchased a 32 oz water bottle, and made it a goal that I would finish my first one by 3pm, and then the second one by 10pm.
Finally, to eat fresh fruits and veggies, and to make meals out of real fresh ingredients. I was given access to dozens of recipes and my first thought was "great.....fufu". After making a few, it became clear that this was the better way to eat. The time to make the meals was just as quick, if not quicker, than the boxed meals we were eating before and I started to really enjoy making and trying something new.
After the first 3 weeks, of a little exercise, and no pasta, no salt, no Diet Coke, more water and homemade meals, I had lost 12 lbs. I want to hope that it was the diet change and getting off my tush that made my weight loss happen, but it could have been the calories I was burning going upstairs to use the bathroom.. :)
1.) anything pasta 2.) cheese 3.) pie 4.) cake. I could go on but I won't bore you with the minor details.
I was never really one that enjoyed fufu food. Food, that when put on a plate, looked more like a 6th grade art project than something one really wanted to consume. It was almost way too pretty to ruin, and in no means would fill me up. My husband and I ate mostly food out of a box or frozen food, which would be ready 20 minutes after we got home from work. It was very easy. And very processed.
There was no bigger wake up call for me then when my weight loss coach asked me to record my food and beverage intake for the week. One particular day I consumed the following;
Breakfast: Lucky Charms, milk & coffee with cream (Lucky Charms are really the bomb)
Lunch: McDonald's Bic Mac, fries & 32 oz Diet Coke
Snack: 5 oreos and a big glass of milk when I got home from work
Dinner: Spaghetti and garlic bread
Bedtime snack: 3 scoops of ice cream.
After a few choice swear words and a couple of tears, the "mystery" was solved as to how I gained weight. Eating too much crap. Period. I didn't drink any water, had tons of salt, and had little or no fruits and veggies. It was that minute I had decided to completely change the way I ate.
The first thing my weight loss coach mentioned was "no pasta". This hit me like a brick as I do love an occasional noodle. But after looking at my food log, the "occasional noodle" was pasta 4 times that week. Oops. Not my best moment at meal planning to say the least.
Another mention, was to eliminate the 20 oz of fountain Diet Coke that I had every day. I instantly thought "oh, what I could do with an extra $10.50 a week". Probably buy Tylenol to get rid of the massive headache I was going to get from caffeine withdrawal. **Vent**
Next thing, to add water. I was informed that it is necessary for one to get 8 cups of water every day. That's a gallon. A gallon is a lot of any liquid for someone that has a bladder the size of a chihuahua. As the first few days passed, it became easier and easier to drink all 8 cups. I purchased a 32 oz water bottle, and made it a goal that I would finish my first one by 3pm, and then the second one by 10pm.
Finally, to eat fresh fruits and veggies, and to make meals out of real fresh ingredients. I was given access to dozens of recipes and my first thought was "great.....fufu". After making a few, it became clear that this was the better way to eat. The time to make the meals was just as quick, if not quicker, than the boxed meals we were eating before and I started to really enjoy making and trying something new.
After the first 3 weeks, of a little exercise, and no pasta, no salt, no Diet Coke, more water and homemade meals, I had lost 12 lbs. I want to hope that it was the diet change and getting off my tush that made my weight loss happen, but it could have been the calories I was burning going upstairs to use the bathroom.. :)
Monday, May 4, 2015
Defeated
Today I failed.
I have the type of mind that just never shuts off. I would say the phrases "lack of focus" and "absolutely no attention span" would fit me and my mind perfectly. I've always had issues with constant thinking, but have found ways to deal with it. Today was not one of those days.
I typically have had some issues with focus during boxing training, but for whatever reason today it was worse than normal. I can't really explain it even. It was like I was there punching, but I wasn't present. My mind was in a million other places and not where it needed to be. No matter what I did, I couldn't get it reeled back in.
With every missed punch, or screwed up combo, I started to become deflated. Frustration set in and then the lack of focus kept getting worse and worse. If I can't focus and get it under control, how will I move forward? How could I possibly get any better? How can I learn to make my mind stop?
I can't.
One of the worst phrases one can say to themselves. I can't. That phrase made it into my mind today and I couldn't get rid of it. No matter how much I tried to conquer the phrase, no matter how much I kept trying to tell my self I can, I just couldn't.
I failed.
I left my training session today feeling the most defeated I have ever felt. And the worst part about it is I feel that I failed my trainer. The one individual who kept telling me "you can".
I have the type of mind that just never shuts off. I would say the phrases "lack of focus" and "absolutely no attention span" would fit me and my mind perfectly. I've always had issues with constant thinking, but have found ways to deal with it. Today was not one of those days.
I typically have had some issues with focus during boxing training, but for whatever reason today it was worse than normal. I can't really explain it even. It was like I was there punching, but I wasn't present. My mind was in a million other places and not where it needed to be. No matter what I did, I couldn't get it reeled back in.
With every missed punch, or screwed up combo, I started to become deflated. Frustration set in and then the lack of focus kept getting worse and worse. If I can't focus and get it under control, how will I move forward? How could I possibly get any better? How can I learn to make my mind stop?
I can't.
One of the worst phrases one can say to themselves. I can't. That phrase made it into my mind today and I couldn't get rid of it. No matter how much I tried to conquer the phrase, no matter how much I kept trying to tell my self I can, I just couldn't.
I failed.
I left my training session today feeling the most defeated I have ever felt. And the worst part about it is I feel that I failed my trainer. The one individual who kept telling me "you can".
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