And so it begins....

We all can't get away from the fact that sometimes life just takes over.  And we lose control.  And over the last several years I had lost control. 
One year ago today I woke up with a fire lit inside my soul and I decided to get my life back under control.  I didn't think about it, I just got up, left my house and drove to the fitness club. 

I had belonged to this particular club once before and had great success.  But for some reason I was extremely nervous.  Or maybe I was excited knowing that I had taken the first step in getting my life back.  Whichever the case, I made my way into the club, and I was greeted with smiling faces, lots of "welcomes" and......the dreaded scale. 

The dreaded scale.  The only item in my world that can immediately crush my self esteem, my hopes, my dreams.  I can't imagine there's anyone in the universe that enjoys the ritual of "Day One - Weighing and Measuring".  
I stepped on the scale.  Holy.  Shit.  How in the hell can I be 264 lbs.  My mind immediately came up with excuses.  "I have really heavy clothes on" (yea, like my jeans weigh 25 lbs)  "I just ate breakfast and had too much coffee".  I was in total disbelief.  And the fun continued with my measurements.  As the club owner started the daunting task of taking my measurements and jaunting down numbers in my folder, I started thinking back to the last several years and why had I gained so much weight.  Was it the years of infertility treatments that only ended in heartbreak and loss, or was it the sudden loss of my mother 2 years prior that caused me to take comfort in food.   I could sit and speculate for hours why.....but at this point, does it matter what the reasons were? 
If only.....those words popped in my head over and over.  If only...I had eaten better.  If only...I was more active.  If only...I had paid attention to what kind of lifestyle I was living.  If only...I can turn back the clock and have a "do over" I wouldn't be here. 

But "here" is where I was.  And "here" is somewhere I will never be again. 

And so begins "Operation Chub Loss".