The Minnesota State Fair is without a doubt my favorite place to attend in the summer. Growing up, my parents took us on a regular basis and even back then I loved it. It was something about all of the food, of course, added with lots of people watching and just spending time as a family doing something fun. As I entered high school, the yearly trip to the fair was combined with marching in the parade as part of my high school marching band (yes, I was a total band geek and loved it!!). It was a very strict lesson on money management since the "rents" only gave me so much money to spend all day. No matter how hard I tried, I never seemed to have any money left by the time dinner time came.
For the last few years I have gone with a wonderful friend. We have always had such a great time, just walking, eating, walking some more, chatting and more eating. We had made plans to attend the fair again this year, and we were going on the first day it opened; Thursday.
I was really nervous this year about going. I had made it so far in my journey that I didn't want the guilt and the feeling of disappointment for pretty much eating whatever I wanted and not sticking to my plan. I really wasn't sure how I could get past that, or even if I would. Of course, there are foods that are a MUST have for me; cream puffs with milk, roasted corn, Sweet Martha's Cookies to name a few and part of the disappointment was me thinking I couldn't have those this year. Or that I shouldn't.
I chose to live.
Thursday came. And when I woke up, it dawned on me; I chose to live. I chose to live for one day and eat what I wanted with no worries, no strings, no issues. I wanted to have a great time with a great friend and not be stressing, or counting or writing things down. I wanted to watch people and shop while I had a cream puff and cookies. It was a fabulous day and for the first time in a long time I just existed. I was just me. Stef with an F.
As we were walking and chatting, my friend made a very powerful statement. She said "how we live now will determine how we live when we are old". And that couldn't be any more true. We have to decide today, right now, how we want to live tomorrow.
Exactly 16 months ago today, I chose to live. I chose to be active and healthy and happy. I chose to want to live longer, to enjoy myself doing things I loved. I chose to get together with friends and not watch life just pass me by. I chose to get up and try new things. I chose to love myself again.
And today, I go back to the girl who once was overweight and depressed. The girl that needs to watch what she eats, and needs to follow the plan and to write things down. The girl that loves to box and sweat and works her ass of. The girl who will always have to work at it. The girl who wants to live a long, happy life.
Today I go back to the girl that chose to live.
